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SALAM SEJAHTERA, Terima kasih kerana mengunjungi blog ini, Semoga apa yang tercatat dalam bolg ini akan dapat dimanfaatkan bersama demi membangun diri dalam melaksanakan tanggungjawab sebagai seorang insan..
Belajar dan Belajar
Hidup adalah proses belajar dan berjuang tanpa batas. Jatuh, berdiri lagi! Kalah, bangun lagi! Gagal, bangkit lagi! Pastikan SUKSES dalam genggaman Anda!
Menghargai Masa
Ambillah waktu untuk berfikir, itu adalah sumber kekuatan; ambillah waktu untuk bermain, itu adalah rahsia dari masa muda yang abadi, ambillah waktu untuk berdoa, itu adalah sumber ketengan, ambillah waktu untuk belajar, itu adalah sumber kebijaksanaan, ambillah waktu untuk mencintai dan dicintai, itu adalah hak istimewa yang diberikan Allah, ambillah waktu untuk bersahabat, itu adalah jalan menuju kebahagiaan, ambillah waktu untuk tertawa, itu adalah musik yang menggetarkan hati, ambillah waktu untuk memberi, itu dapat membuat hidup terasa beerti, ambillah waktu untuk bekerja, itu adalah nilai keberhasilan dan ambillah waktu untuk beramal, itu adalah kunci menuju syurga.
Rabu, 18 Julai 2012
Six Options for Building Healthy Self Esteem
Six Options for Building Healthy Self Esteem
This article was published on Wednesday, July 28th, 2010How to Communicate Assertively in Your Relationship
How to Communicate Assertively in Your Relationship
This article was published on Wednesday, August 4th, 2010Couples when they get married usually believe that they are on an equal footing and that marriage or their decision to live together gives them the permission to express their feelings and wants with an expectation that they will be respected, to state their views and opinions with an understanding that they will be listened to, and to say “no” openly without feeling guilty.
This does happen in many partnerships but there is no guarantee that it will in all, for sooner or later many couples will feel the discomfort of an imbalance in their relationship. This disparity will become noticeable when for instance one partner asks their partner to do something that they don’t want to do. It may be something simple as to go out with people they dislike, or more complicated as packing their bags and moving away from family and friends. In either case due to one partner’s inability to say “no” they submit to the request thus magnifying the inequality in the relationship.
At other times the gap in the relationship is noticeable when one party dominates the other in discussion and conversation and does not allow their partner a voice, or if they do, they minimise anything they have to say. This behaviour is tolerated as the aggrieved party does not want to ‘rock the boat’ and has developed a submissive communication style.
Solution-Focused Communication Skills Training
Solution-Focused Communication Skills Training
This article was published on Thursday, August 12th, 2010
Communication is the primary activity from which to build a healthy, enjoyable, and fulfilling intimate relationship. Most problems in relationships either develop from or are maintained through either a lack of communication or poor communication.
Because of this, relational issues can really only be resolved effectively through the use of appropriate communication skills. Interestingly, while couples who have open lines of communication usually find support in each other during the more challenging times of their relationship, most couples tend to communicate less when they are having problems in their relationship (Long & Young, 2007).
It is therefore important to encourage a more productive relationship in the couple through helping them communicate openly and directly with each other about their thoughts, feelings, conflicting issues, problems and concerns (Brown & Brown, 2002).
This article was published on Thursday, August 12th, 2010
Communication is the primary activity from which to build a healthy, enjoyable, and fulfilling intimate relationship. Most problems in relationships either develop from or are maintained through either a lack of communication or poor communication.
Because of this, relational issues can really only be resolved effectively through the use of appropriate communication skills. Interestingly, while couples who have open lines of communication usually find support in each other during the more challenging times of their relationship, most couples tend to communicate less when they are having problems in their relationship (Long & Young, 2007).
It is therefore important to encourage a more productive relationship in the couple through helping them communicate openly and directly with each other about their thoughts, feelings, conflicting issues, problems and concerns (Brown & Brown, 2002).
Isnin, 9 Julai 2012
Happiness and Positive Psychology
Happiness and Positive Psychology
This article was published on Thursday, September 8th, 2011Positive Psychology’s primary focus is on what people do right to obtain and maintain optimum happiness (Compton, 2005), by striving to understand and help people develop qualities that lead to greater personal fulfilment. The premise of positive psychology is to promote factors that allow individuals to thrive and flourish by encouraging a change of focus in psychology from a preoccupation with repairing the worst things to a greater emphasis on discovering and building upon positive qualities.
Counsellors vs Workplace Harassment
Counsellors vs Workplace Harassment
This article was published on Thursday, July 28th, 2011
To effectively counsel a client who has been the target of workplace harassment it is helpful to have an understanding of relevant legislation. The following is an extract from the Queensland Government Department of Employment and Industrial Relations (it is recommended that counsellors from other states and territories check their relevant legislation).
The QLD Dept of Employment and Industrial Relations, defines workplace harassment as follows:
“Where a person is subjected to behaviour, other than sexual harassment that:
This article was published on Thursday, July 28th, 2011
To effectively counsel a client who has been the target of workplace harassment it is helpful to have an understanding of relevant legislation. The following is an extract from the Queensland Government Department of Employment and Industrial Relations (it is recommended that counsellors from other states and territories check their relevant legislation).
The QLD Dept of Employment and Industrial Relations, defines workplace harassment as follows:
“Where a person is subjected to behaviour, other than sexual harassment that:
- is repeated, unwelcome and unsolicited
- the person considers the behaviour to be offensive, intimidating, humiliating or threatening
- a reasonable person would consider the behaviour to be offensive, humiliating, intimidating or threatening.”
Responding to Suicide Risk
Responding to Suicide Risk
This article was published on Wednesday, July 13th, 2011
Suicide is a serious health problem. The World Health Organisation estimates that one suicide attempt occurs every three seconds and one completed suicide occurs approximately every 40 seconds resulting in almost one million people dying from suicide each year; a “global” mortality rate of 16 per 100,000 (WHO, 2000, 2010).
In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Each day, approximately 210 Australians attempt to end their life and each year over 2500 will commit suicide. Suicide in Australia kills 8.5 times more people than homicides and 1.5 times more than motor vehicle accidents. Consequently, reducing suicide has become an important international health goal.
This article was published on Wednesday, July 13th, 2011
Suicide is a serious health problem. The World Health Organisation estimates that one suicide attempt occurs every three seconds and one completed suicide occurs approximately every 40 seconds resulting in almost one million people dying from suicide each year; a “global” mortality rate of 16 per 100,000 (WHO, 2000, 2010).
In the last 45 years suicide rates have increased by 60% worldwide. Each day, approximately 210 Australians attempt to end their life and each year over 2500 will commit suicide. Suicide in Australia kills 8.5 times more people than homicides and 1.5 times more than motor vehicle accidents. Consequently, reducing suicide has become an important international health goal.
Behaviour and Solution Focused Couple Therapy
Behaviour and Solution Focused Couple Therapy
This article was published on Friday, July 15th, 2011
The practice of couple therapy has been encouraged to incorporate a more scientific model of practice and the use of research to inform the style of therapy most appropriate to use (Whiting & Crane, 2003). As a result, the discipline of couple and family counselling is moving to an evidence based focus. A number of theoretical frameworks have attempted to conceptualise dyadic relationships. Some of these theories have become foundations for the interventions that have become common in couple’s therapy today. Some of the models and theories include the strategic model, emotion focused therapy, solution focused therapy, behaviour theory and attachment theory.
In this article we overview two of these approaches.
This article was published on Friday, July 15th, 2011
The practice of couple therapy has been encouraged to incorporate a more scientific model of practice and the use of research to inform the style of therapy most appropriate to use (Whiting & Crane, 2003). As a result, the discipline of couple and family counselling is moving to an evidence based focus. A number of theoretical frameworks have attempted to conceptualise dyadic relationships. Some of these theories have become foundations for the interventions that have become common in couple’s therapy today. Some of the models and theories include the strategic model, emotion focused therapy, solution focused therapy, behaviour theory and attachment theory.
In this article we overview two of these approaches.
Sudden Unemployment – Reactions and Emotions
Sudden Unemployment – Reactions and Emotions
This article was published on Thursday, October 15th, 2009
Unfortunately ‘organisational restructuring’ and ‘downsizing’ are common events in today’s workplace. For those individuals who suddenly lose their job, financial pressures can be overwhelming. Most support individuals receive focus on supporting the individual financially. However even under the best conditions where someone has ample savings and decent job prospects, suddenly losing a job is an emotional ride.The emotional stress which individuals and their families experience is the least thought about effect of unemployment. For many people work is a central component to their identity. When their employment status changes, so too can their self identity. This together with the financial strain can be a very stressful and negative time.
Career Counselling – A Field of Counselling Specialisation
Career Counselling – A Field of Counselling Specialisation
This article was published on Thursday, October 15th, 2009
If you are travelling the counsellor training road somewhere between Units 1 and 22, your primary goal right now is probably just to see those C’s filling up your assessment sheet. But what might you be doing once you have your Diploma? You may want to do further study – perhaps take on an advanced study major or even go on to university. Or maybe specialising hasn’t even crossed your mind but it is certainly something worth considering.
Specialisation comes in many forms, such as developing expertise in a favourite technique, working with a particular client group, or helping people with particular issues such as grief and loss, abuse, or relationship problems.
This article was published on Thursday, October 15th, 2009
If you are travelling the counsellor training road somewhere between Units 1 and 22, your primary goal right now is probably just to see those C’s filling up your assessment sheet. But what might you be doing once you have your Diploma? You may want to do further study – perhaps take on an advanced study major or even go on to university. Or maybe specialising hasn’t even crossed your mind but it is certainly something worth considering.
Specialisation comes in many forms, such as developing expertise in a favourite technique, working with a particular client group, or helping people with particular issues such as grief and loss, abuse, or relationship problems.
Domestic Violence – Understanding the Situation
Domestic Violence – Understanding the Situation
This article was published on Thursday, October 15th, 2009
Around the world at least one woman in every three has been beaten, abused or coerced into sex during her lifetime. Most often the abuser is a member of her own family. The prevalence of domestic violence is difficult to determine for several reasons: it often goes unreported, and there is some ambiguity about what should be included in the definition of domestic violence.
The Australian Bureau of Statistics estimates that only 31% of victims of domestic violence and 20% of female victims of sexual assault report the incidence to the police. Living in a domestically violent household is not easy. Some believe that leaving a domestically violent household is even more difficult. But we all have a right to feel safe.
This article was published on Thursday, October 15th, 2009
Around the world at least one woman in every three has been beaten, abused or coerced into sex during her lifetime. Most often the abuser is a member of her own family. The prevalence of domestic violence is difficult to determine for several reasons: it often goes unreported, and there is some ambiguity about what should be included in the definition of domestic violence.
The Australian Bureau of Statistics estimates that only 31% of victims of domestic violence and 20% of female victims of sexual assault report the incidence to the police. Living in a domestically violent household is not easy. Some believe that leaving a domestically violent household is even more difficult. But we all have a right to feel safe.
Symptoms, Causes and Effects of Loneliness
Symptoms, Causes and Effects of Lonelines
This article was published on Monday, July 9th, 2012
According to Murphy and Kupschik (1992), loneliness is defined as a state in which a person describes experiencing an overwhelming sense of inner emptiness and social isolation. It is, therefore, an emotional state. Loneliness is more than a person feeling that they want to be able to connect on a social level with others – but rather it is a perceived sense of disconnection, rejection and alienation.
The lonely client may find it difficult or even impossible to have any form of meaningful human contact. Lonely clients often experience a subjective sense of inner emptiness combined with feelings of separation and/ or isolation from the world.
Sometimes people feel lonely because they believe they are different from others or they believe people are indifferent to them. Loneliness and being alone are not the same. For example, a client can be in a group with others and still feel lonely; whereas, they can be alone by themselves and not necessarily feel lonely (Aspel, 2001).
This article was published on Monday, July 9th, 2012
According to Murphy and Kupschik (1992), loneliness is defined as a state in which a person describes experiencing an overwhelming sense of inner emptiness and social isolation. It is, therefore, an emotional state. Loneliness is more than a person feeling that they want to be able to connect on a social level with others – but rather it is a perceived sense of disconnection, rejection and alienation.
The lonely client may find it difficult or even impossible to have any form of meaningful human contact. Lonely clients often experience a subjective sense of inner emptiness combined with feelings of separation and/ or isolation from the world.
Sometimes people feel lonely because they believe they are different from others or they believe people are indifferent to them. Loneliness and being alone are not the same. For example, a client can be in a group with others and still feel lonely; whereas, they can be alone by themselves and not necessarily feel lonely (Aspel, 2001).
Suicide: Statistics, Characteristics and Myths
Suicide: Statistics, Characteristics and Myths
This article was published on Thursday, June 14th, 2012
Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud called suicide “murder turned around 180 degrees”, or more wryly, “a very poor response to a very bad day”. Also called “self-murder” or “self-killing”, suicide is the act of deliberately or intentionally taking one’s own life. It is an attempt to solve a problem of intense emotional pain with impaired problem-solving skills (Kalafat, J. & Underwood, M., n.d.).
Suicidal behaviour is any deliberate action that has potentially life-threatening consequences, such as taking a drug overdose or deliberately crashing a car (Dyer, 2006). Attempted suicide is a potentially self-injurious act committed with at least some intent to die as a result of the act. Individuals of all races, creeds, incomes, and educational levels die by suicide (Kalafat, J. & Underwood, M, n.d.; Clayton, J., n.d.).
This article was published on Thursday, June 14th, 2012
Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud called suicide “murder turned around 180 degrees”, or more wryly, “a very poor response to a very bad day”. Also called “self-murder” or “self-killing”, suicide is the act of deliberately or intentionally taking one’s own life. It is an attempt to solve a problem of intense emotional pain with impaired problem-solving skills (Kalafat, J. & Underwood, M., n.d.).
Suicidal behaviour is any deliberate action that has potentially life-threatening consequences, such as taking a drug overdose or deliberately crashing a car (Dyer, 2006). Attempted suicide is a potentially self-injurious act committed with at least some intent to die as a result of the act. Individuals of all races, creeds, incomes, and educational levels die by suicide (Kalafat, J. & Underwood, M, n.d.; Clayton, J., n.d.).
Khamis, 5 Julai 2012
Building Effective Client Responses
Building Effective Client Responses
June 19th, 2012 by Keith Abrahams Dip.HG.PAs the therapy progress and trust (often called rapport) builds, the client should be helped to move into positive ways of responding; either to depression, anxiety, fear, anger, phobias or the full gamut of emotional distress which is so often part of the human condition.
In this way the therapist should seek to work in therapeutic alliance with the client to help them achieve a number of key things:
- Re-enforcement - helping the client to focus on their gifts strengthens and talents. This is akin to the positive psychology (focused on building on the best in people). It s from this place that clients can stand to see and value their capacity for positive change. The Human Givens has been described as the ‘heart of positive psychology’.
Ahad, 10 Jun 2012
The Hospital Experience - Control versus letting go
The Hospital Experience - Control versus letting go
March 14th, 2012 by Michele Joffe Dip Couns. MBACPThere is nothing like requiring hospital intervention and a stay overnight to really awaken our awareness about the amount of control that we really have. There is, I believe a fine balance between controlling and letting go of the outcome of our care - be it mental or physical health.
It is evident how much control we give to doctors who play an almost Godly role in the process. Without questioning or understanding fully what is required from us, we accept their diagnosis and follow their recommendations, however far fetched they might seem. From the moment we are admitted into their care, we feel safe, often letting go and blindly trust where we are being taken.
When exploring this further in relation to our work as counsellors it is important to be aware that from the moment a client steps into the counselling room for a session they often develop an immediate trust with the professional standing in front of them. They want advice on how they should lead their lives and what decisions they should make, how they should conduct their relationships and in doing so they are letting go and trusting.
Empathy is not Sympathy
Empathy is not Sympathy
March 14th, 2012 by Michele Joffe Dip Couns. MBACPAs a Therapist when confronted with a situation where empathy is needed it is important to be aware of how we use empathy, which can at times be confused with sympathy. In actual fact, the definition of empathy is 'Gaining a clear sense of how the client sees the world and their experience in it'. The core condition of empathy is used in Person Centred Practice and although this sounds simplistic , it is in fact one of the most difficult practices to incorporate into a therapeutic session. This is simply because the therapist has to use themselves to facilitate the process with the client. The responses from the therapist have to be genuine. The client does actually sense when the therapist is pretending to care - essentially if the therapist is genuinely with them whilst they venture on this dark and treacherous journey through the clients exploration of themselves.
Men and isolation
Men and isolation
March 27th, 2012 by Patrick McCurry MBACP, UKCP RegA common issue for men entering therapy is a sense of isolation – from other people but also from their deeper selves.
The issue they come to therapy for may be something different, such as depression, anxiety, anger issues or relationship problems. But usually underlying these symptoms is a feeling of loneliness.
This male isolation is something that many women are unaware of. Women are (usually) brought up to be in relationship with others. How much of many women’s relatedness is innate and how much conditioned is debatable – it’s probably a mix of the two.
But the reality for many men is that, when a crisis occurs, they find themselves without support. The crisis may take the form of a relationship breakdown, work stress, redundancy, addiction or growing anger problems.
Unemployment Stress
Unemployment Stress
March 22nd, 2012 by Christine Elvin MBACP Coun's DipYou are not alone if you are suffering from unemployment stress, signing on at a job centre and applying for job after job can have a huge effect on your mental health.
The media do not help with unemployment issues as they seem to put unemployed people in the same bracket. Yes of course there are some people who are happy with their situation and have no intention of changing it, but for others it can be a depressing place to be.
Money worries can be demoralising and your self esteem will suffer if you allow it to get you down. The job applications can be daunting and time consuming for what seems like a waste of time, energy and effort when you don’t even get acknowledgement that your application arrived to the right department, let alone result in an interview.
Try to remember you’re not the only one in this situation and eventually things will change. If you apply for jobs daily and this is getting you down, maybe apply for them a couple of times a week so that you manage to take yourself away from the stress of application forms! Jobs normally having a deadline date so you won’t miss out.
What is Counselling?
What is Counselling?
March 20th, 2012 by Janet Greenwood UKRCP MBACP Accred Senior Counsellor/SupervisorThe nature and purpose of counselling is to provide a non-judgemental, confidential, pressure free space in which people can freely explore their thoughts and feelings.
Every individual has an actualising tendency, which gives them the capacity to develop and reach their full potential.
Sometimes in our lives we lose sight of our direction and experience inner unrest or we may experience something traumatic that rocks our foundations.
Counselling can provide the right facilitative climate and framework for people to safely visit their own turmoil.
Counselling operates through conversation and discussion, it focusses on the conscious processes that each individual experiences, helping them to understand themselves better.
What is Empathy?
What is Empathy?
March 22nd, 2012 by Gerard Della Marta MBACP qualified counsellorEmpathy has been described in different ways: walking in another's shoes, entering into another person's frame of reference or having the ability to experience life as the other person does by entering the person's world of thoughts, feelings, emotions and meanings.
In counselling, empathy is an expression of the regard and respect the counsellor holds for the client whose experiences maybe quite different from that of the counsellor.
The client needs to feel "held", understood as well as respected. To hold a client therapeutically means the counsellor is capable to accept and support the client through any issues, concerns, problems she/he can brings.
Counselling: WHO ARE YOU?
Counselling: WHO ARE YOU?
March 28th, 2012 by Joanna Warwick: MBACP(Accred), UKRCP Reg Ind, Adv Dip, Couples CertOften the fears that can arise when thinking about going to see a counsellor is about
*who are they
*what will they be like
*will they tell me what to do
*will they judge me
What is hard to understand that a good relationship in counselling is based on the counsellor being many things to you, many people and exactly what you need at that moment.
The counsellor is a person and has a life of their own and thoughts of their own, but they are trained to put themselves to one side and be truly accepting of you as a person and offer you;
* Unconditional Positive Regard
* Empathy
* Congruence
* A safe confidential space
And we are bound by the same medical ethic of Do No Harm.
Ten Steps to Better Sleep
Ten Steps to Better Sleep
April 2nd, 2012 by David Seddon MA (Couns), BA (Philosophy), MBACP - Individuals and Couples“Sleeplessness is a desert without vegetation or inhabitants.” Jessamyn West
Many of the clients who come to me with a variety of issues also suffer from poor sleep. I therefore nearly always ask new clients how their sleep is in the very first session that we have together. If their sleep is poor, then even if they wish to outline a large range of worrying issues, at some point near the start of therapy, I ask them if we can spend the last 5 or 10 minutes of a session looking at that. It is often good to send them off with something practical that will allow them to go home on a positive note.
Good sleep is a vital element in our well being. It is about as important as good physical and mental health, supportive relationships and feeling that you have a purpose. Poor sleep can undermine anything else we do. Yet, it is surprising how few people think about how much poor sleep affects their mood and ability to cope with life and also how little time they devote to thinking of ways to improve it. It is also amazing how quickly sleep can improve with a little planning. I have yet to have a client who suffered bad sleep who wasn’t helped by some of the following ideas, which is not to say that their sleep is perfect after they come to see me or that I wave some sort of magic wand, but simply that things start to improve as we pay proper attention to improving them. In this respect, sleep is no different from many other issues.
Here are ten ways in which you could improve your sleep:
Men and therapy
Men and therapy
April 2nd, 2012 by Graeme Orr MBACP(Accred), UKRCP Reg. Ind. CounsellorMen are much more reluctant than women to look for help for their problems. Studies have shown that today’s man is more likely to be suffering from anxiety, depression, alcohol or drug abuse yet the ‘stiff upper lip’ culture continues to apply. Is it because men see counselling as a female activity, is it because most counsellors are women, is it perhaps because it is a sign of weakness to admit to a flaw or perhaps there is some other gender specific reason.
It would be wrong to say that men never seek help, but often they leave it till the last moment, till the situation is in crisis. They may end up with a broken marriage or a serious addiction problem or even homeless or attempting suicide. So what is it that makes men so reluctant to enter therapy and is there anything that can be done to make therapy more acceptable to the male psyche?
Lengthening your fuse. A simple guide to anger management
Lengthening your fuse. A simple guide to anger management
April 2nd, 2012 by Nick McCubbin MBACP MBPsS“Anyone can become angry - that is easy, but to be angry with the right person at the right time, and for the right purpose and in the right way - that is not within everyone's power and that is not easy.” - Aristotle
Aristotle presents us with a difficult challenge in is quote above. Of course, we all become angry at one time or another, indeed anger is a part of being human and at times is an appropriate and functional response. However, there can be times when our tempers get the better of us, when our anger is ignited too quickly and our explosions can cause damage that we later regret.
How do I know if your the right counsellor for me?
How do I know if your the right counsellor for me?
April 2nd, 2012 by Beverley Hynes -BACP Accredited Counsellor UKRCPCounsellors are plentiful but how do you choose one that's right for you. Well there's all the information on The Counselling Directory that lists the counsellors Theoretical orientation/s.
In other words what methods they will use to help you. You can also decide if you want your counsellor to be accredited or not. This is where the counsellor has had to submit written work and proof that they reach a minimum criteria and standard set by a number of the professional bodies.
Then there is the counsellors experience to consider. How long have they been working in this field? Do they have any specialist knowledge training or experience of the topics and concerns I want to discuss? The profiles on the counsellors counselling directory entry often list and address these areas.
Dealing with your inner critic
Dealing with your inner critic
April 3rd, 2012 by Patrick McCurry MBACP, UKCP RegWe all have an ‘inner critic’ – the part of us that tells us we’re not good enough. In many people it can be a fierce, even bullying, voice.
It’s the voice that says:
‘Why did you make that mistake – you always get things wrong!’
‘Of course he’s not interested in you – you’ve put on too much weight.’
‘Why even bother applying for that job, they’ll be looking for someone much more interesting than you.’
When we’re not aware of this part of ourselves the constant self-criticism takes place unconsciously and we can end up feeling depressed and lacking energy without knowing why.
But once we have recognized our inner critic we have the chance of coming into relationship with it and not automatically letting it be so powerful.
Mind Yourself
Mind Yourself
April 3rd, 2012 by Christina Holland, MBACP (Accred) - Sapphire CounsellingEver wondered why you do the things you do? Have you ever thought that perhaps some reactions have been over-the-top, but it felt like you had no control over how you behaved?
The latest developments in understanding how the mind works are being revealed by huge advances in neuroscientific research and are exciting and encouraging. In learning how the brain functions we can discover more about our reactions, and find different ways to respond in difficult situations that leave us feeling much better and more in control.
Simply put, our brains have 3 distinct areas with specific functions.
The brain stem, or the reptilian brain, is the most primitive part of our brain. It is formed early on (whilst still in the womb) and is mainly for survival. It functions all the time, even when you are asleep, keeping you breathing and regulating temperature among other things. It constantly assesses whether you are safe or not, and if it senses there is a threat, it reacts immediately.
Strategic Counselling
Strategic Counselling
April 11th, 2012 by Keith Abrahams Dip.HG.PA therapist working from a strategic counselling perspective, like that of the Human Givens approach, will seek to help their client to quickly deal with their problems, identify solutions, set and agree therapy goals and design interventions to facilitate fast, effective change, that suit the client and meet their needs.
The therapist will help the client became aware, and begin to engage all of the clients resources in the interventions. The client may be helped to develop and acquire new resources, but more often than not, the client simply needs to recognise and engage their already existing, perhaps forgotten resources.
21 ways to lift your mood
April 12th, 2012 by Rachel Shattock Dawson BA (Hons), MA, MBACP
Here’s a few of my favourite ways to beat the blues. Pick the ones that chime with you:
- Phone a friend – catch up and have a gossip. Or better still arrange to meet. Spending time with good friends is very good for you.
- Just dance! In the kitchen, in your bedroom…wherever. Put on some music and move to the rhythm.
- Reach out and touch someone – a hug or a held hand is calming and comforting.
- Do a favour – helping someone else, or supporting a good cause makes you feel good too.
- Eat (a little) chocolate – the N-acyclethanoloamines in chocolate stimulate the brain to release endorphins.
- Try therapy – increased self-awareness and insight help you to understand your feelings and make the right changes.
What is the difference between Jealousy and Envy?
What is the difference between Jealousy and Envy?
April 19th, 2012 by ANDREA HARRN MA MBACP (Accred) UKRCP, UKRF, DCHJealousy and envy are quite often the subject of a therapy room and can cause untold pain and damage to relationships between people. The terms are often used interchangeably but there are differences between them.
The first difference to be aware of is that envy involves two people. One person being envious of another. Jealousy is about more than two people and involves the preservation of special friendships because of the involvement of others.
It is possible to experience both jealousy and envy at the same time. For example you could be jealous of the attention your boyfriend is getting from a female who you envy for her physical qualities.
The philosopher John Rawls distinguishes between jealousy and envy on the grounds that jealousy involves the wish to keep what one has and envy the wish to get what one does not have.
Why won't your therapist talk more about themselves?
Why won't your therapist talk more about themselves?
April 20th, 2012 by Patrick McCurry MBACP, UKCP RegIt’s become a cliché – you ask your therapist a question and they reply with another question.
For many new clients the lack of self-disclosure by the therapist can be unsettling, as the relationship can feel very one way. The therapist gets to know the most personal details of the client’s life, while the client knows very little about the therapist’s.
While the lack of self-disclosure may feel frustrating, at times, for the client, there are several reasons for it.
These include:
- The therapist’s issues can dominate: the therapy is for the benefit of the client not the therapist, so a therapist talking a lot about their own lives could start to dominate the sessions and make it more about the therapist’s needs rather than the client’s.
Ways to Find Peace in Our Hectic Lives
Ways to Find Peace in Our Hectic Lives
April 23rd, 2012 by David Seddon MA (Couns), BA (Philosophy), MBACP - Individuals and CouplesSometimes everyone feels like they could do with more peace. Our world is increasingly full of excitement but peace is a much rarer commodity. It often starts and follows from what we feel and so I’ve put together a few ideas to about how we might find it:
1. Reduce Expectations
Shakespeare said that “expectation was the root of all heartache“ and there is much in what Dennis Wholey said – “expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.” If we expect others to behave in a certain way and do certain things, we are asking for trouble. People have their own lives and their own needs. It’s best to be grateful for any valuable time they give us and not become stuck in the expectation of more.
2. Be Mindful of Others (but not a Busy-Body)
It is a good thing to put others first and to help them as much as we can, but that does not include “knowing” what’s best for them. It is unlikely that you will be thanked for trying to make someone do something that they’d rather not. Excessive interference is ultimately good for neither of you. It’s better, instead, to concentrate on putting your own life in order and finding your own peace of mind.
Counselling and the Unsuccessful Dieter - How Dieting Can Help You To Regain Control of Your Eating
Counselling and the Unsuccessful Dieter - How Dieting Can Help You To Regain Control of Your Eating
April 24th, 2012 by Annie NewburyI guess that we all know people who have lost weight with a particular diet club or method only to have all the weight slowly creep back on again. “I don’t understand it” they say,” I lost so much but it all comes piling back, why don’t my diets work?” Sounds familiar?
Most diets are based on strict rules, they have ‘points’ ‘bars’ ‘shakes’ and ‘sins’. Food is restricted, choices are few, rules must be followed and calorific intake is usually very low so if the diet is followed it’s not surprising that weight is lost.
Can Our Lives Find Meaning in the Modern World?
Can Our Lives Find Meaning in the Modern World?
May 3rd, 2012 by David Seddon MA (Couns), BA (Philosophy), MBACP - Individuals and Couples“Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.” Viktor Frankl
We are meaning seeking creatures that cannot truly be at peace unless we have something we consider as significant in our lives – something that gives us purpose and a sense of fulfilment. Finding a meaning to life is perhaps the ultimate question for any of us. One of the things that often happens in therapy is that clients begin to search for and find meaning. There is little in the therapy room that I enjoy more than helping them to find (or re-find) it – simply because I view it as so important. The philosopher Nietzsche and the psychologist Jung both made comments about this, the former saying that “he who has a why to live can bear almost any how,” and the latter that “meaning makes a great many things endurable – perhaps everything.”
7 secrets of good relationships
7 secrets of good relationships
April 24th, 2012 by Rachel Shattock Dawson BA (Hons), MA, MBACP1. Communication
This is the biggest ‘secret’: Keep talking and keep listening. When couples stop talking to each other the relationship is all but over. It’s good if you can share thoughts and feelings honestly, and know that criticising, shouting or nagging damages self-esteem and ultimately the relationship. Good communicators are better at resolving conflict and are able to apologise when necessary.
2. Support
Good couples are like a team, joined at the hip and stronger facing the world together. You’ll both have career, money, life and death lows in your lifetime – be there for the downs and you’ll still be there together to share the ups.
3. Play
The old saying, ‘Couples who play together stay together’ holds true whether you’re 19 or 90. Whether you share a passion for sport, dancing, gardening or travel, the more you enjoy doing things together the more you’ll cement your relationship.
Parenting in the Teen Zone - Helping Young People Through Exams
Parenting in the Teen Zone - Helping Young People Through Exams
April 29th, 2012 by Katie Leatham M.Phil, MBACP AccreditedTearful one minute furious the next. Teenagers are changeable at the best of times, but at this time of year levels of emotions can really peak due to the pressure of exams. Even though assessments and exams are often spread through the year, for the majority of young people this is the time when the focus is really on them to achieve. Not only that, they have to make decisions about what they will do next. They need to make A -level choices and might be leaving their school to go to a new institution in September. Older teens are planning the transition to work or university and leaving home. For many who are less able, their options are limited with the very real prospect of being left behind while their peers move on without them.
Fear of failure is huge for young people on the brink of adulthood.
The links between sleep and depression
The links between sleep and depression
May 3rd, 2012 by David Waters MA, MBACP Accredited UKRCPEver found yourself counting sheep in the middle of night while watching the interminable second hand skulk around the face of your alarm clock? It’s not only frustrating, but it’s can be stressful as well as exhausting. About 30 per cent of us report having difficulties with our sleep according to latest research.
We might be waking up too early, have trouble getting to sleep in the first place or - frustratingly - find ourselves wide-awake in the middle of the night for no obvious reason at all. For those of us who suffer from depression and anxiety these symptoms are usually acute and felt as particularly troubling.
Counselling. Helping you to take control.
Counselling. Helping you to take control.
May 5th, 2012 by Craig Draper Diploma in Counselling (MBACP)Counselling is not like a drug, it will not simply take your problems away, it is not a magic wand.
Counselling is an opportunity to be really heard and understood. It enables you to gain a greater understanding of issues/problems your experiencing. Enabling you to take control of your life.
Can Counselling Support the Resilience of Children and Young People to the Impact of Domestic Violen
Can Counselling Support the Resilience of Children and Young People to the Impact of Domestic Violen
May 7th, 2012Introduction
Question: Can counselling support the resilience of vulnerable children and young people to the impact of adverse events, such as domestic violence and abuse, early in their lives?
In our society we recognise that there are many children who are exposed to adverse factors such as experiencing or witnessing domestic violence and abuse. This may impact on their ability to reach their full potential in life, or render them so scarred that they later become incapable of functioning as adults, without additional support. Yet some children, whom we refer to as resilient, appear to overcome difficulties experienced in early years and progress to develop meaningful relationships and participate in society as successful members of society.
Beating Addiction – The Human Givens way
May 8th, 2012 by Keith Abrahams Dip.HG.P
Paraphrased, substance dependence [1] is defined by the DSM as fulfillment of any three of the following:
- Preoccupation with the substance – obtaining it, using it and recovering from it
- Unintentional over use – repeatedly taking more than was intended
- Tolerance – increasing amounts are needed for the same effect
- Withdrawal – certain levels are needed to function normally
- Relief substance use – to counteract withdrawal
- Persistent desire to control the abuse – repeated quitting relapse
- Impaired performance - in social and work situations
- Abandoning important events – social, work or recreational
- Continued use of the substance despite health problems associated with it.
The Power and Protection of our Intuition
The Power and Protection of our Intuition
May 9th, 2012 by Richard Gosling Assoc. UKAHPPRecently I was given cause to consider our intuition and how we can often ignore it even though it is our truest, wisest and most loyal friend.
A close friend relayed to me the distressing experiences she had after inviting a colleague to stay in her home whilst the man was attending a seminar, he had told her that the only available accommodation he had been offered was to sleep on somebody’s floor. She felt he deserved better and offered him her son’s bedroom. It resulted in a trail of destruction to her home and possessions followed by a litany of ingratitude and denial.
Infidelity – The Triangle of Betrayal: Will You still Love me tomorrow? (Part 1)
Infidelity – The Triangle of Betrayal: Will You still Love me tomorrow? (Part 1)
May 9th, 2012 by Claudia Anderson PG Dipl Psych, MBACP Qualified Careers CounsellorSince the passage of time, men and women have been having affairs. The reasons are multi-layered and often intertwined, from sexual boredom and frustration with a partner to a person sabotaging relationships based on unresolved issues from the past within another relationship.
The issues generated around infidelity are complex. In some cases a therapist identifies, the internal reasons, such as the effects of pregnancy, child development, menopause, addiction, illness etc. but there are also external causes such as loss of employment, death of a loved one, or financial restraints, that may influence a couple to remain in a partnership, long after the relationship is over and the affairs have begun.
Are you compelled to repeat behaviour you’d rather ditch?
Are you compelled to repeat behaviour you’d rather ditch?
May 10th, 2012 by Tina Radziszewicz BSc (Hons), MA, UKCP Registered PsychotherapistIf so, you’re not alone! From dating ‘bad boys’ or ‘psycho women’ repeatedly despite vows of “never again” after the misery they cause, to making yet another friend who proceeds to boss you around, or finding yourself in a job where you feel undervalued again, many of us seem unable to stop ourselves repeating experiences that hurt us.
Why should this be?
Sigmund Freud recognised this common human phenomenon, which he called the Repetition Compulsion. Freud believed that we re-enact old, painful traumas or relationships, the nature of which we’ve usually forgotten, in the present in an attempt to make them come out right this time around.
The original difficult situation was usually when were children, and were a passive participant – the event was happening to us and we had no control over those involved, usually significant others such as parents or siblings, or over the outcome. As adults, we are active – it’s us who get ourselves into the situations – but because the reasons for what we’re doing are often outside our conscious awareness, we feel at the mercy of circumstances.
MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL… Or how to survive the influences of your narcissistic mother
MIRROR, MIRROR ON THE WALL… Or how to survive the influences of your narcissistic mother
May 11th, 2012 by Carmen Von Haenisch BA (Hons) Counselling , MBACP (Accred), SupervisorBetrayal - the death of a relationship?
Betrayal - the death of a relationship?
May 14th, 2012 by Graeme Orr MBACP(Accred), UKRCP Reg. Ind. CounsellorA subject that comes up often when couples go to counselling is that of betrayal. It is not what was done but rather how it was done. The definition most often used in the context of a relationship is: “To be false or disloyal”. This undermines the trust and one partner is left wondering if they know the other at all, because all they thought they were has been proved wrong.
Often is it like a bereavement, the betrayed person is likely to be very angry at what has happened, perhaps they will even try to deny it happened. In fact it is often common on suspecting an affair to question yourself and even feel guilty for thinking that of your partner without evidence. The betrayed partner may try to understand why this has happened to them, what have they done to deserve this? They will try to balance out how or if they can go on with the relationship – do they want to work at it or do they have to walk away. Ultimately there will be a way to cope with the betrayal, yet it can be a difficult road to walk.
How an affair can be a catalyst for change
How an affair can be a catalyst for change
May 14th, 2012 by Patrick McCurry MBACP, UKCP RegAffairs are generally regarded as extremely destructive to any intimate relationship. They cause hurt, distress, anger and affect trust in a major way.
Despite this, if the affair leads to a couple seeking therapy it can actually force them to address deeper issues in the relationship.
When a couple arrives at their therapist’s office to talk about the effects of an affair there will always be extremely strong emotions expressed. The ‘victim’ partner may feel devastated, sad and very angry.
The partner who has had the affair may have more mixed feelings – there may well be guilt about the hurt caused and, possibly, remorse. But there may also be confusion about why he or she was so strongly attracted to someone outside the relationship.
Seeking counselling is not a weakness
Seeking counselling is not a weakness
May 15th, 2012 by Craig Draper Diploma in Counselling (MBACP)Through the counselling process clients may have to face some really difficult challenges. It could be that in the introspection it may be necessary to examine painful experiences or events. This can at the time be a painful experience in itself.
The individual may have to examine parts of themselves that they may know before counselling that they will have to explore or may not know until faced with the prospect during counselling.
I believe it is the role of a counsellor to identify and explore these difficult aspects and to support the client in finding answers and resolutions.
Music and well-being
Music and well-being
May 15th, 2012 by Peter Baikie MBACP BA (hons)How much does music affect us and our environment? We know that certain pieces of music can make us feel sad, cheerful and on occasion euphoric, but does music have any deeper therapeutic value? Here are five research conclusions that not only confirm what you may have already thought, but also throw up some surprising (and at times amusing) findings.
1. Music relieves stress. The entire human energetic system is extremely influenced by sounds, and neuroscientists have proved that music slows down and equalises brain waves. The slower the brain waves, the more relaxed and peaceful we feel.
Traumatic Bereavement
Traumatic Bereavement
May 17th, 2012 by Jackie Rogers Adv Dip Couns. (Serenity Counselling)It is always difficult if you lose a loved one and traumatic sudden death can take longer to recover from. Before you can grieve you may need to accept the way your loved one was taken.
With traumatic sudden bereavement, your loved one may have been taken by someone else's actions e.g.road death or murder. How can someone contemplate how a human can kill another human? You may experience split and confusing loyalties, e.g in a case of domestic violence where a family member has killed another. There may be delays in procedural process e.g. releasing the body, the added upset of a post mortem, waiting for a Coroner's Report, ongoing investigation, court hearings, trials etc.
12 Step Treatment and Group Therapy for People with Addictions
12 Step Treatment and Group Therapy for People with Addictions
May 18th, 2012 by Special & Different Addiction ServicesThe Group
Imagine a group of 12 recovering addicts/alcoholics, one peer supporter and two facilitators, sitting in a circle. Most of the clients have been in contact with the criminal justice system at some point, with convictions ranging from drink driving to GBH and attempted murder. Some have served time. About half have had a social services caseworker at some time in their lives. More than half are divorced. Most of the others are single. Some are also estranged from their children.
These are people who have exhibited extreme anti-social behaviour and seem unable to conform to the norms of society. Their self-destructive behaviours, their constant failure to face their responsibilities and the waste of their gifts and talents frustrate their loved ones. They have between them a number of failed suicide attempts, and half of them have another mental disorder as well as addiction. Professionals agree that as a client group, addicts/alcoholics are the least likely to respond to their advice, they are unpredictable, unreliable and uncooperative. A common description of the individuals in this group by people who know them is that they are ‘lost souls’.
“All you need is love!”
“All you need is love!”
May 20th, 2012 by Claire Thomson BSc Msc (Human Communication) PG Dip (Counselling) MBACPI believe that being in loving relationships is what we need to be happy. The kind of happy that is a feeling of security and contentment that allows us to relax to be who we truly are.
But what is love and why does it make us feel happy?
Love is a caring bond that attaches us to our significant others at many levels but mainly emotionally, physically and intellectually. We human beings are social creatures and as such we are born ready to engage and interact with those close to us who are caring for us. Research now shows that these important first emotional experiences produce the “feel good” hormones in our bodies. So the sense of happiness is not just an idea or thought but a physical felt sense experienced within.
As adults when we are happily in relationship with our partners we are constantly experiencing good bonding moments through physical affection, caring acts, humour and so on and this promotes the feeling good both in our minds and hearts but in our bodies too.
So it seems so simple this idea of love being all we need and in some ways it is. However, for many of us this is not the case.
It’s good to talk – but it’s also good to be alone
May 21st, 2012 by Tina Radziszewicz BSc (Hons), MA, UKCP Registered Psychotherapist
Intimate relationships, we’re told, are what life is all about, what keeps us happy and healthy. And it’s true there’s no substitute for the strength we draw and the pleasure we get from friends and loved ones. But rushing from our jobs to pick up the kids and tend to homes, friends and partners, it’s easy to neglect the most important person in our lives – ourselves.
Time on our own for relaxation and reflection is vital for recharging our batteries. Far from being selfish, if you’re rested and refreshed, you can then give your best to the people in your life without feeling resentful or drained by them. Research shows that insufficient quiet time alone is a significant cause of stress as well as slowing down recovery from illnesses and emotional crises such as bereavement and divorce.
Counselling Men
Counselling Men
May 21st, 2012 by David Seddon MA (Couns), BA (Philosophy), MBACP - Individuals and CouplesIt is often commented that “men find it harder to come to counselling than women.” As a generalisation, this may be true, but generalisations are not useful because they tend to strip away at individuality. It’s not helpful to stick labels on people, especially if they are labels generated by an over-view of humanity which takes no account of them as a person. Kierkegaard said that “once you label me, you negate me”. I think that is profoundly true and yet psychology and the health professions are continually diagnosing and labelling, and I know that, to a point, counsellors have to operate within that system. How does one solve this dilemma? Perhaps one answer for counsellors is to notice it and to be aware and pragmatic about it - both striving against it and working with it at the same time. There are many men who are find it easy to go to counselling and we see many of them in our practices. Nevertheless, some men do find the notion of counselling hard and so I shall address that issue here.
Mystery Murders, String Theory and Psychotherapy
Mystery Murders, String Theory and Psychotherapy
May 23rd, 2012 by Geoff Boutle MBACP (Accred) UKRC RegThe search for a single answer to complex issues is a recurrent feature within the western world. From religion to physics and to popular culture there is a sense that there must always be an answer and that once found, that solution should provide a consistent and universal explanation.
That approach is present wherever we look. Two millennia ago a rather sombre monotheism replaced the squabbling family of classical Greek and Roman gods. Darwinism and evolution provided an explanation as to the process of development of life on earth and the discovery of penicillin hailed the emergence of the first wonder drug to cure all. Marx predicted the victor in the coming class war and even the more recent decision to introduce penalty kicks at the end of a drawn final, has now ensured that there is a definitive resolution to any football competition. Wherever we look there always has to be an answer.
